Fix your Marriage : Never be blind to the facts

 

9 Ways To Fix A Broken Marriage And Save It

When a marriage is going through a rough phase, divorce is not always seen as the obvious choice. Even in abusive marriages, spouses hold on to the hope that their partners will change and they will be able to save their marriage. All they need is the answer to “how to fix a broken marriage alone”.

“The major underlying, and fixable, problem is that very few people are “naturals” for marriage,” says Paul Friedman, founder of the Marriage Foundation, who transitioned from being a divorce mediator to a marriage mediator in order to save marriages. So, all of this has to be learned. Otherwise, you will be flapping your arms in very creative ways, but you will never get off the ground.

You could have the intention to fix a broken marriage, but you might not know how to fix a broken marriage. We asked Snigdha to weigh in. She says, “There are different ways to fix a broken marriage, but for it to happen both spouses must be committed to the cause and follow the right approach to put their issues behind them.”

She lists the steps to fixing a broken marriage as understanding the underlying issues, recognition of individual roles, setting boundaries, getting over-emotional or emotionally overwhelmed, inculcating self-awareness about individual limitations, communicating these limitations to one’s spouse, stretching the limitations and committing to rebuilding the marriage.

So, how do these steps to fixing a broken marriage translate into concrete, tangible steps that you can take to move past your issues and revive your chemistry as a couple? These 9 ways to fix a broken marriage hold the answer:

1. Understand where things went wrong

A successful marriage is a constant work in progress. You have to put in a lot of effort to keep your marriage vibrant, something not many people understand. A marriage falters when there is a lack of communication, when the love and affection dry up, or there is a crisis. Infidelity affects a marriage adversely too.

But if you want to fix a broken marriage and stop a divorce, you will have to first understand where your relationship went downhill and why it is worth saving. An American Psychological Association finding states that 20-40% of divorces in the United States happen because of infidelity. But the report also says that 50% of the unfaithful partners are still married.

Snigdha says, “To fix a broken marriage after cheating or in the wake of other setbacks is to identify the problem plaguing your connection.” Even in the case of cheating, there are often underlying triggers that cause cracks in a marriage, making space for a third person.

Similarly, most marital issues, be it constant fighting, lack of respect, or resentment in a marriage, are often symptoms of a deeper problem. Identifying the reason is one of the first steps to fix a broken marriage.

2. Do away with negative beliefs and look within

“She won’t listen to my viewpoint.” “He won’t help me with the chores; he is a lazy husband.” Such firm, negative beliefs about each other can erode the very foundation of marriage without either partner realizing it. So, rather than clinging to these beliefs, work to change them.

Snigdha suggests exploring your individual role in augmenting your marital issues. Once you recognize and acknowledge that you too have contributed to the deterioration of the quality of the relationship, it becomes easier to cut your spouse some slack for their perceived flaws or shortcomings

Then, you can convey what changes you expect to see in them to make progress in your efforts to rebuild the marriage. For instance, you could try harder to make your wife understand your point of view or try to tell your husband that the household chores have to be shared in order for your life to function smoothly.

Maybe he doesn’t even realize that his lack of interest in doing chores is having such a huge impact on the relationship. As soon as he realizes that, chances are that he will try to help you. If you were too busy assuming your partner shares the negative sentiments you have about the marriage, you’d never come to know what’s really going on in his/her head.

What is a broken marriage if not a result of jilted communication and mismatched emotions? Ask yourself, “Should I fight for my marriage, or let it go?” If you want to fight for your marriage then change your beliefs and be open to new thought processes, character analysis and new routines.

( End of part 1 )